The below questions – designed by the French essayist and novelist Marcel Proust – are said to reveal the true nature of the answerer, so here we go.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
My idea of perfect happiness is sitting on the beach, with my husband, watching the perfect turquoise of the ocean and discussing the big questions of life. My husband is my rock and my best friend. The best part of my day is when we are sitting together after work on our balcony, enjoying our evening smoke. During these talks we do not discuss the events of the day in details but we talk about abstract things, like latest developments in technology or what effects COVID going to have on the future of humankind. I cannot even describe how lucky I feel to have him as my partner for life.
What is your greatest fear?
My greatest fear is losing a close family member or friend without notice. But even this fear I can combat by thinking and knowing, that any sadness is temporary. And all will be brighter the day after. Just one night of sleep can make wonders. No matter how hard you are hit, when you wake up the day after, the thing that seemed unthinkable the day before is your new reality and you come to terms with it bit by bit. I know this might not be the most comforting thought but this is true and there is research that confirms this. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. In the moment of loss or tragedy this is difficult to see, but in the end, months or years later you realize what was the lesson to learn from hardship. I guess what I am trying to say is exactly what Nietzsche said in a much more condensed way: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” So have no fear, life doesn’t give you any lessons you are not strong enough to bear.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I get really self conscious when other people are watching what I am doing or if I have to talk to a lot of people. I get really nervous and I say and do stupid things. As I discovered this also has to do with the fact that I’m hypersensitive so I feel much more ok about this than I used to. Because hypersensitivity is something that I appreciate about myself but I could live without this aspect of it.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
The one thing that drives me insane in others is the inability to listen to reason. I do understand that not everybody is perfectly informed but not listening to logic and arguments can drive me insane.
Which living person do you most admire?
I have to go with Elon Musk. I cannot say that I do agree with how he treats people but one thing he has for sure and that’s my admiration. I have read his biography by Ashlee Vance and I am really fascinated by him. One of the things that puzzles me most about him is how – in my eyes – little time he spends with his family. One of the things that struck me most in this biography is the following: “I would like to allocate more time to dating, though. I need to find a girlfriend. That’s why I need to carve out just a little more time. I think maybe another five to ten – how much time does a woman want a week? Maybe then hours? That’s the kind of minimum? I don’t know.” This really made me wonder if his personal relationships are a conscious sacrifice he is making on the altar of the advance of the humankind.
What is your greatest extravagance?
A difficult question because I have many. I believe that you should be spending money on the things you care about. If you are listening to music a lot and you are a commuter a good pair of headphones are certainly something that worth the money spent. But if I had to name one thing it would probably be the fact that I live in Amsterdam. Many Dutch people consider this as an extravagance because the cost of living is quite high. But living in Amsterdam gives me access to a lot of things that would not be available to me if I choose to live in a smaller Dutch city.
What is your current state of mind?
My current state of mind is surprisingly calm but also full of plans at the same time. I am writing this on the second day of 2021 and my mind is busy in trying to figure out how to make 2021 a year that really counts.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
The most overrated virtue I believe is politeness. Don’t get me wrong, being kind and respectful is important. But politeness on its own does not mean the same thing. Also politeness very often gets in the way of honesty which I believe is the most important virtue and should be the basis of all our communication.
On what occasion do you lie?
I often lie in order not to hurt other people’s feelings. I know this is not great and it is something I am still working on. But sometimes when i feel that the matter at hand is not that important and giving an honest answer would cause considerable hurt sometimes I cave and lie. A very common example of this is lying about liking a present.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
It is only very recent that I have accepted my own appearance and that I don’t regard myself fat or chubby. But if I would need to give one thing I would change about myself it would probably be losing some body fat. But i also know that this will happen naturally if I stick with the lifestyle I currently have: eat healthy, practice yoga daily and go for walks regularly. So I can honestly say this does not bother me any more.
Which living person do you most despise?
I am trying to be more accepting and not categorizing things and people into bad and good. This is working quite fine however I do have a big issue with not seeing leading Hungarian politicians as bad. And in that category my ‘favourite’ enemy is Judit Varga, the current minister of ‘justice’ in Hungary. It angers me deeply, how the person responsible for justice can be a woman who clearly has no consideration for the rights of sexual minorities and fights for a family model which states that family starts with a man and a woman. Never mind same sex couple but what about families which have a single parent? Even more irritating that she claims herself christian. I really wonder if she has ever read the bible or understood the bible’s real message.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
I really appreciate men who can talk about their feelings and admit the existence of those. Thankfully the world is changing and it is more and more ok for men to show their feelings but this certainly was not the case where and when I was growing up.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
I really appreciate women who are honest and straightforward and do not play games. I do not know for sure if this is true but I have the feeling that many women do not show their real face and dare to say what they really think, only behind your back. I also have the experience quite often with women (and never really with guys) that they already judge me and decide what kind of person I am before actually talking to me to see if my looks really reflect my personality.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Most likely f*ck. I notice that I swear a lot and I am not sure if I like this too much any more. I am trying to use it less but using it is actually a great way to emphasize that I am feeling strongly about a subject.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My greatest love of my life is for sure my (current/second) husband. We actually only know each other for bit longer than four years but I am certain that he is the one who knows me most in this world. Also we have been through so much during these four years that it feels more like ten. I appreciate his intelligence, his good looks, his sensitivity and his good sense of humour. I feel so lucky to have met him and that I really hope that we will have at least 20 or 30 years together. Life next to him never feels boring and he has a huge part in my journey of self discovery. For the first time in my life I feel that somebody just loves me for who I am and not try to change me in any shape or form.
When and where were you happiest?
I am a person of great emotional intensity – I am actually hypersensitive – so had many moments in my life when I felt extreme happiness. Still one of the moments that stuck with me the most is the moment when my husband declared his love for me. It was in December, in Amsterdam, at my apartment. We were already dating for couple of months. When we started off off none of us wanted a serious relationship. I cannot speak for him but i felt that I never wanted to give so much again, because my previous relationship left me exhausted and disappointed. But I was so intrigued by my husbands personality. I have never met somebody so interesting, who was so different to me yet still so similar. But I was not sure how he felt and how he wanted to continue. Finding out he felt the same way about me was for sure one of the happiest moments in my life.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I would like to have grapheme–colour synesthesia. This is not an expression I knew before answering this question so I will copy here the relevant wikipedia definition: “Grapheme–colour synaesthesia or coloured grapheme synesthesia is a form of synesthesia in which an individual’s perception of numerals and letters is associated with the experience of colors. Like all forms of synesthesia, grapheme–color synesthesia is involuntary, consistent and memorable.”
I always wished to have special talent for mathematics and being able to see numbers in colour is something I really would like to have.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
If I could change one thing about myself I would like to have perfect vision. I have the feeling I should be thinking about stuff like: I wouldn’t be so hard on myself, I would be kinder to people, etc. But there is no aspect of my personality at the moment I am not ok with. I have put in a lot of work to discover and understand myself and learn to accept and work with the parts of me that I don’t like or would like to change. However having perfect vision would free me from a lot of hassle in everyday life and it would give me a freedom I didn’t experience since I was 6 years old.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
This is a difficult one because I always feel when I consider something as an achievement of mine it means I am discounting the luck and the contribution of other people that allowed me to get the achievement. So I will just start with saying that whatever comes after this means I had to get lucky to get here and also it would not have been possible without my family (especially my mom) and my friends.
I consider my biggest achievement living in the Netherlands and working as a freelancer. I feel this is something I have worked hard for and not something that just fell into my lap. But still it would not have been possible without my mom investing so much in my education and raising me with the mindset that hard work pays off.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
If I would come back I would like to come back as a beloved cat of someone. I have two cats and I think they are the most careless creatures of the world. This idea hit me when we were once having a lunchtime conversation with a group of cat-lover colleagues. Four of us were discussing the welfare of one of the cats. I do not remember the exact topic but most have been along the lines of best timed cat feeder or best cat fountain to have. And then it hit me, that I really hope there are four gods up in the sky now discussing how they could make my life better.
Where would you most like to live?
I currently live in the Amsterdam, in the Netherlands and I am very happy with that. I am not sure if I ever want to move from here, unless they set up the same city somewhere with a sandy beach and better climate.
What is your most treasured possession?
I think it was Zsazsa Gabor who once said something along the lines of never shed a tear for something that cannot shed a tear for you. So I try not to get too attached to my things. But if I would need to name something it would probably be the teddy bear I got from my grandma when I was 12 years old. This is not a gift you give a girl at that age – it is a huge, yellow teddy bear – but it simbolizes my childhood for me and also the love of my grandma. I have hugged this teddy bear so much and cried a lot of my tears hugging this bear. Even though this is not my oldest possession it still feels so.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I see the biggest misery in people who are clearly unhappy but are too afraid to make the change that would make them happy. People with this mindset spend years and years agonizing over the same problem but never able to solve it.